I Want Out

November 3rd - 3:13 PM

They gave me a book and said it might help to write things in it. They finally trust me with things to write with again. It wasn't my fault what happened to the room mate. I told her not to look at me. She looked at me. I warned her, and they took everything away from me for months.

Only last month they started letting me go out of the room with my hands free. And now they give me this book. I hate them.

I don't know what i'm supposed to put in this. I don't like doing things like this. I don't like saying things. I can't tell them but it makes me nervious. I don't know how to deal with that.

But at least it's better than having to talk. Having to look at these people trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Trying to keep me in a room. Making me do group. I hate group. I want to step on their faces. They don't make me angry. I just hate them. I hate everything. I don't remember why. I don't care either.

I'm writing things. The book is black. It's small. It's leather. I don't know what to say about it. It's the only thing I have in here though.

Fine. I'll write in your book. But I don't have any secrets. I don't know why writing in this is supposed to be good for me. I'm just doing it because it's something to do. I don't care.

I forgot what it's like outside. I want out.



November 18th - 3:13 PM:

I didn't hurt anyone for a while, so they are giving me things back. I can watch TV again. They let me watch for an hour before I have to go back to the room. Then group, just like every day. I hate group. Why can't they stay away from me and stop trying to make me talk to them.

I don't understand. It's not like I didn't hurt anyone because it's good behavior. I'm not trying to be good. What is "good" to them anyway? It's "good" because they didn't get hurt or that I didn't do anything to them? What a selfish way for them to look at it. And they say there's something wrong with me. I don't care if i'm being rewarded. It just happened that way. I didn't have a reason to hurt anyone. That's all.

They didn't put in another room mate for me. None of the other people here look at me anymore, which is good. It just happened that way. Why do they think that this is supposed to be positive reinforcement? If I hurt someone, I hurt someone. If they make the thing inside of me angry, it happens. It's not my fault. I don't control it, it just reacts. It hates everything the way I hate everything and that's all. It hasn't had a reason to react, so I don't have a reason to react. If it does and I lose things, then I lose them. Whatever.

Whatever.

Whatever.
Whatever.
Whatever.

I hate this book, and I hate group. I'm not angry. I just don't like anything.


November 29 - 3:13 PM

Wake up.

TV.

Group.

Breakfast.

Room.

Group.

TV.

Room.

Activity.

Lunch.

Room.

TV.

Room.

Book.

Dinner.

Room.

Sleep.

I Want Out.


January 11 - 3:13 PM

I saw something on tv. Something I remember. CXA. I didn't remember that part. But CWA. I remember that one. And TXA too. This is supposed to be like that. It's new but not new. It's a reunion. I should be there. I deserve to be there.

I need to finish what I started on the other ones. I need to hurt them. I hate them. I'll do anything to finish breaking them. Every last one of them.

January 22 - 3:13 PM

I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.
I want out.


January 31 - 3:13 PM


I'm out.

I know where I'm going.







"--- This book is Property Of Rachel Starr"

Ooh: ooh I like that.

Very creative Michael, good work!

OOC: I should probably mention that this one terrifies me.

ooc: Thank you. I did my best to be creepy with it.

I was trying to also think of a way I could switch out to a third-person "camera" view RP at the very end, revealing that she simply tossed the little leather book into a trash bin on a street corner, but couldn't find a way to include it without ruining the creepy first-person flow of the rest of it.

My compromise was to just type what the sticker on the inside cover says.